my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
