God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
