That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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