her vagine was all disorganized.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
