Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
