We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
