I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
