I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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