She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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