You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
How external is "for external use only"?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
