i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
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