They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Randomize
