literally had 100 drinks last night.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
