Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
