I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
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Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
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It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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