My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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