at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
