I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
21 MILFs That Made The Boys Crazy
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I agree and I would be an awesome dog