I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
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