guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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