My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
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We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
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You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.