wanna go halves on a baby?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize