So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
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