Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I deserve this hangover.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
