You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize