He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
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Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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