apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize