I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
