Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
