So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
