Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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