mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
You can't motorboat a personality
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
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I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
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I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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