Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
