Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
