a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
