you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
My bed smells like the plague
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
