The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
