2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I don't deserve a penis
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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