I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
