so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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