i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
