I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
