Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
