We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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