She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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