I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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