I just pynch a tree in the face
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
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Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
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You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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