finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
