Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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