You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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