She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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