Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
