I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
