He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
