So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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