I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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