We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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