i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
