Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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