i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
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Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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