There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
